In the classic version of the board game snakes and ladders,
there are 12 snakes and 8 ladders. With our continuous quest to have a female
singer long enough to start gigging, being in The Sweet Ordeal has often felt
like we’ve been attacked by a very slippery python.
We of course, did manage it once: gigging that is, not
fending off strangulation. Sam, with her big bluesy voice, took me and John to
the bridge in the form of the park festival Spring in the Patch on a wet and
windy day last year. Throw in three of our kitchen gigs around the same-ish
time and we were a proper band of sorts. But on the Castle Stage we were for real.
We even had photos, taken by a woman who will appear later in this tale.
Naturally, this had to come to an end. Shirley Bassey sang
about history repeating itself, but Sam let her feet rather than her vocal
chords demonstrate those prescient lyrics. She did, you see, have the temerity
of becoming pregnant and then wanting to spend more time with her family. It
made sense as I used the band to spend less time with mine.
John and I tried to dissuade her because she was so good and
laughed like a navvy. Like a lovelorn girl waving her sweetheart off to the
trenches, we even said we’d wait, which we did, despite reading those letters
from the front line hinting that maybe our darling had dallied with a few
French fancies whilst on leave.
Eventually we were caught between two stools, if one stool
was a snake and the other a ladder, and we regretfully accepted that Sam was
not going to come back. Though here I’ll stop with the war metaphor because I
don’t think it’s appropriate to compare the beautiful mother of two gorgeous,
young sons to a syphilis infected farm boy love-struck and living with a whore
in a Parisian garret.
Maybe we were not ruthless enough and the months of
inactivity were frustrating, but I can look back at that time and feel we had
to see if Sam would come back, because she was so much a part of our developing
sound and I was keen to lyrically work with her style. Anyway, thanks Sam, you
were wonderful.
This took The Sweet Ordeal literally back to square 1 (are
you sure there are 8 ladders?). We were back on the Gumtree jamboree of trying
to find another singer. Like last time most of our enquiries were from teenage
girls and young women seemingly not put off by singing boy girl vocals with
quite old men. In my mind, with my hair colour we were moving from a George
Clooney acceptability to Bernie Ecclestone susceptibility.
Eventually we took a chance on Lucy and her modern, folksy
YouTube appeal and found her a warm and engaging presence. Naturally, once we
offered her the gig she decided to spend more time with her family; another
small boy taking our woman away. All the best Lucy and we hope we’ll see you
perform one day in the future.
There were never any ladders were there?
This was probably my hardest period in the band. We were
getting fed up with bringing new people in, giving them the opportunity to
shape our sound and then losing them before you could even say ‘open mic night’.
I fluctuated from me and John going it alone, trying to Gumtree it all over again
or just giving the whole thing up.
What wasn’t thought about was a little gem shining right
under our tearful eyes and snotty noses. You see, I live with a wonderful woman who had still stuck around, despite seeing and photographing the Castle Stage gig.
Intelligent, funny, sexy and a musician, Hannah once played in a rock band
called Vaudeville (the type that all look in different directions when being
photographed) and was desperate to start playing again.
Hannah had never really expressed an interest in folk and I
had only ever really heard her sing along to our shared love Marillion. Nothing
wrong with that: so do I. But I wouldn’t give myself a folk gig based on
passionate Fish impressions. However, she did play the bass and the cello, the
latter instrument catnip for those who want to write wistful and melancholic
songs whilst wearing checked shirts and hats.
Not wanting to let this opportunity go I suggested to John
in our post-Lucy malaise that we let Hannah try out as a backing musician. John
was tentative, understandably so, about bringing in the girlfriend for some
Yoko style shenanigans. Now I am a fan of Yoko, but even I didn’t think we
needed someone taping a sanitary towel over her face and caterwauling. We’d
leave that to the audience if they didn’t like our set.
Instead, Hannah has been a revelation. Not only has she
given us a rhythm section she has thrown a voice into the ring, helped us to
create more harmonies and complex song structures, especially with our newer
material. With her tattoos and tricorn hat, Hannah will also add to our visual
appeal too, without the need of Always and gaffer tape.
In another famous board game, one can occasionally be told
not to pass go, which perhaps better sums up the experience of being in The
Sweet Ordeal. Thanks to Hannah though, John and I have finally got out of jail.
It feels like the band is now moving round the board and who knows, maybe we’ll
win second prize in a beauty competition. That would be a sight for sore eyes,
but now the stage is set for us to give something to the ears. See you later
snakes.
